When the love of God chases you down, there is no other response but to cry. I didn't bother to put any makeup on on Friday because I knew the deep wounds of my heart were exposed and things were raw and sensitive. It would not take much to cry this day. You're taught to expect to hear from God and expect things from Him when you go on a retreat. God was more than prepared for me as well. He knew why I was there and it was Him that was drawing me unto Himself. There was one thing that I accidentally left at home - my watch, but I'm glad because the Lord planned everything then.
Today is the official start of my weekend with IHOP. I went and registered, got my wrist band and went to the first session. The speaker was Eddie and he would speak on the basis for day and night prayer. The opening of the session was enough to answer some of my pressing questions. He asked for anyone who is in a leadership role to identify themselves. I did. He mentioned a scenario that shouldn't be happening during our conversations with God. As leaders, we represent God on earth. We are His mouthpiece, His hands and we act as one.
"What if God was like this: "Did you think I wanted you to preach that? Use that bible verse? Did you think I wanted to heal that person? Did I want you to pray? etc." It would be a terrible way to live." Yes, that's how I thought about God.
"On the other hand, what if your conversation is like this: "God, did you want me to preach that? Should I have used that bible verse? Should I have laid hands and prayed for that person? Did you want to heal that person?" It would also be pretty terrible to live this way." WOW. This has how my prayer life has been and these hit home quickly. I started crying again cos those were such lies because God does not question me like that and He has entrusted me with His word.
The rest of the session I remained pretty much introverted and I was not very social that day. There was a lot on my heart and mind. I had to grab a hold of the truth, if not, I'd burn out in the ministry. After lunch, there was another session and it would be followed by our scheduled time in the prophecy rooms.
Usually, I would be very open to hearing prophetic words but with so much on my heart and mind, and also thinking that I had been making so many mistakes, I was feeling like a bad student about to receive a report card. We were ministered to in groups of three by two people. I had the prophetic words recorded this time because I knew I would need to hear it again for it to sink in. There was a chance I'd be too teary to listen carefully.
The first person gave me Psalm 63:3 "Thy lovingkindness is better than life." She said she saw that I was painting bright colors - red for the fire of God, green for the life of God and blue for the Spirit of Truth. She said I was also dancing and the Lord said He was going to give me a new dance. I will leap like a gazelle on mountains like in the Song of Songs. I will leap to new heights. She also said the Lord said I was a good servant and He is pleased, very pleased with all the things I have done. He sees and He says it's a job well-done, I have done well in the workforce. He is very pleased with me. Needless to say, the tears just start flowing. I can't stop them.
The second person gave me another verse that I don't remember now. She said the Lord said I'm in a season where He is dealing with a lot of heart issues with me. He is preparing me for the next level and is preparing me to be His bride. The Lord said I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, taking up my cross every day and dying to self. He said I'm like a seed which had to be put in the ground, broken so that something new will come out. She said she saw a flower coming out from the ground. This second one was a little hard to believe. I asked the Lord for confirmation on this one.
I've been cornered three times at it's only 4 pm. There will be more to come that evening during the healing service. I'm glad I recorded the words because I needed to hear them again later that evening.
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